Parenting: be the Change
Written by At The Crossroads,
in Section Failure to Launch
For Our Kids…
I recently had my second child. This combined with working with troubled youth leaves parenting on my mind about 90% of the time. If I wasn’t sure before, having a newborn and a 2-year-old has definitely convinced me that being a parent is the hardest job out there. And I don’t think it gets easier with time, the challenges just change. Right now it’s two kids in diapers and constant “mommy, mommy.” A good night’s sleep is only something I can dream about, if I fall asleep long enough to dream. Then there’s the terrible twos, talking back, bullies, dating, drugs, anxiety, depression, the list goes on and on.
When you first think of having kids you have all these ideals of what it is going to look like — eating healthy, no TV, potty trained by 2… whatever it may be. Once your child is born most of these ideals go out the window and you just do what you can to survive. I often ask myself, how do you raise a healthy, well-adjusted child these days? What is too much and what is too little? More and more in my profession I see entitled kids. How do we avoid this…all of this??
The answer is… I don’t know. But in being a daughter, mother, therapist, friend, partner…there is one thing I do know, the best thing we can do for our kids is work on ourselves. We know that dysfunction gets passed down generation to generation. To stop these patterns, whether it be addiction, depression, low self-esteem, etc. we need to start with ourselves. Countless times I have encountered parents who would do anything for their children…anything. But these same parents are resistant to look at themselves, to do their own work. No matter the age of your child the most helpful thing you can do for them is better yourself.
This can take many forms — personal therapy, family therapy, self-help books, talking with other parents. We need to educate ourselves and work toward positive change. As we do this, not only will we break dysfunctional family patterns, we will set the example for our children to always be working toward something more, something better.
If we want our children to be healthy, patient, resilient, happy we need to be these things ourselves. If we want our children to hold boundaries and have good self-care, we need to hold boundaries and take care of ourselves. So often I see clients who struggle with healthy emotional expression. And more often than not I see their parents struggling with the same thing.
Again, while it is often times the hardest thing to do, the best thing we can do for our children is better ourselves. Call Us Today | 1-866-439-0354 or 435-627-1788
Be The Change.